Apologetic Artist

It hasn't been until the last couple of years, that when people have asked me what I do, I answer that I am an artist.  I think I felt there would be expectations about my own talent, if I claimed it.  Like I would need to whip up something Renoir worthy on the spot, which sadly I don't see happening.  I don't make the kind of art with soothing pastoral scenes, or beautiful bronze sculptures either. I am a little bit all over the place & I like that, it fits my personality.  So now when the question is asked,  I somewhat confidently reply(with a little gulp)..."I'm an artist".   Then I wait for the follow up....oh, what kind of art do you make?  Are you a painter?

"Well, kind of", I might say.  Then I find myself searching for the words to describe my art, & I throw something out about mixed media, collage, working with clay.  Maybe mentioning the word quirky. Trying to tell them it's a little different,  almost apologetically, expecting it not to fit in their tidy little box of what they think art is.  I don't have a thick skin. I sometimes like to play the part & puff myself up.  Pretending I do in front of others, but really everything is barely just under the surface.  So I guess I am fearing some kind of hurtful comment, most likely thrown out unintentionally, but something I would take to heart nonetheless.

I am getting more bold though, I'm making progress.  In my soul, I am an artist.  This is what makes me happy, this is what makes me tick.  I'm working on just putting myself out there.  Knowing that I love what I do, & that other people's feedback good or bad doesn't make or break me.

Haven't done embroidery in so long...it was fun to switch it up a bit & make this girl.
I really love the colorful material I found for the background.  Her face is painted onto fabric & she is in a 10 inch hoop.

Well, Here I am Alive & All!

India & I returned from our trip to Omaha the evening before last. We totally had fun catching up with my good friend,  I've had for years, & her family.   

 When I think about the trip, it is sandwiched in my mind between these two giant parentheses....the enjoyable part smushed in the middle. The hard part for me in the beginning & end.  So getting there was my journey.  I sound a tad dramatic, but if flying is your fear, you will get what I'm saying.  There were many pep talks going on in my brain, feeling the anxiety rise, talking myself down off the ledge, praying, praying & more praying.  At some point trying to reason with God & telling Him if it's our time to go, I will accept it, cause that's all I can do...but I won't be happy about it!  The other fun bit that happened both on the way there, & the way back, was our flight was delayed due to mechanical issues. That hasn't happened to me before.  On the way home,  I didn't know the reason for the delay & didn't know there was an issue with the plane until we were already on the runway going to take off in a few minutes, & the man in the seat behind us asked the stewardess about the problem & she said she didn't know what it was, but that our plane had a mechanical issue on the flight before too.  Holy sweet Jesus! That's when I felt my stomach drop & thought a fiery crash was surely imminent.   Anyway, but I am here, & I am proud of myself for making myself do something that makes me highly uncomfortable.  It's funny because I am so convinced something is going to go wrong when I fly, that I am actually somewhat surprised when my feet touch ground, & I am granted some more time here on this planet Earth :)


So now I will show some pictures of our trip....

1st flight for India...she did pretty well!

Charlotte, Jennifer, India & Lillian

Children of the Corn

Making friends

Getting My Slide On in downtown Omaha

India Sliding

Jennifer & I. Old Market area

Love these girls

At a fun pool & waterside place

For once I am tanner than someone :)

Museum dress up time

So the main reason we went to Nebraska was to help celebrate Jennifer's 40th birthday.  I remember doing lists through the years together(we both appreciate a good list :)  Although the lists when we were younger were about such important things like what to bring to Summer camp, new apparel to buy for the school year, etc.  And now it's come to this, ha ha....what things we want to do in the rest of our days.  

Heading back home

Pretty Skies

Countdown

About 3 days until I visit my longtime friend in Omaha, for her 40th birthday.  So about 3 days until I get my way-scared ass on a plane again.  The thing about flying is, you realize you have absolutely no control.  There is not a thing I can do but trust & pray, that I make it to my destination.  I mean really, I know that I have no control down here on the ground either, but somehow I think most of us can convince ourselves we do.  Anyway, so here I sit, trying not to think about it too much, trying to let go of all the what if's.  Plenty of deep breaths :)


Summer has been moving along steadily.  We've hit the beach once far.  I preceded to turn into a lobster on my stomach & lower back afterward.  Ahhh, redness, blisters, the whole she-bang.  I'd like to think I'm a little wiser as I've hit 40, but every once in a while I am reminded I can behave like the girl I was in my younger years, that thought she was slightly invincible, & gave no concern to such far away notions, like skin cancer.  Next time I shall be hitting the SPF 50 hard!


I've been working on a few art pieces.  Mostly ink drawings that I color with watercolors & am putting in some painted wood boxes.  I've been having fun with those, so I will show a few.

Some of our recent Summer photos....