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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Everyone Is A Twig & Other Revelations

I really love the outdoorsy exercise vibe I feel here in Colorado so far.  I also like that I am far away from the Southern California thing....I have yet to see one set of puffy injected lips.  Ha ha.  I've been getting out on the trails & road a bit, trying to work my lungs back up just to be able to run a few miles without huffing & puffing.  I didn't think I would feel the elevation like I do.  

Anyway, but the people who exercise here, are SO into exercise. Most of them seem to be training for triathlons round the clock.  I've heard this area is somewhat of a mecca for training...seems to be true.  But I am always me, can't escape it.  Out on the trails looking at everyone whizzing by me with their 3% body fat.  Me running, wheezing, & feeling my stomach jiggle. Telling myself not to compare, because I know it robs every bit of my joy.  

What do I do with these feelings?  I was thinking the other day that growing up(yes, I know I'm in my 40's), aging & liking myself, & accepting my body are my battle.  Sometimes it seems like every minute of every day, I am fighting the old self destructive thoughts.  But some days are better, I am able to show myself some grace. Anyway, will shift gears now, before I go down a rabbit hole.

We have been painting constantly, in the house.  The interior was painted every color under the sun. While I admire the previous owners for being ballsy with their color choices, I'm not sure if I need to have my entire living room Peacock Blue.  Oh, & the joys of buying an older house...we have asbestos in our ceiling downstairs which apparently requires the full monty in eradication methods(not to mention the 8K). We have been debating what to do with that whole mess. The current thought is to leave the popcorn ceiling, save the money...hey we all lived with it in the 70's. So a lot of projects inside have kept me from setting up my art space yet.  I unpacked & hung up a couple of my paintings on the weekend, I think I will go at it full force when some of these other house things we need to get done are checked off the list. Then I will feel more settled & into setting up my creative space.

Boulder Reservoir(like the sock choice?)

Friday, August 26, 2016


Hey there.  So we are about a little over week deep in this whole new home thing.  Colorado was at first feeling like a vacation that I'd be eventually returning from.  Love my new yard, with all it's open space.  There are so many possibilities....alpacas, chickens, vegetable garden.  I have space for my art, because there is an awesome little barn I can use.  This place is a bit of a fixer upper, which I like.  Actually, it's probably more than a bit of a fixer upper to a lot of people, but I don't really care about quirky closets that aren't walk-in, & kitchens that aren't gourmet.  I like the space & see the potential to put our own stamp on it.

Wow, so this is my new life.  Not a vacation from the old.  I'm at peace with our decision over all, to come here, no major regrets or panic moments.  There are just these little pin pricks throughout the day, here & there.  Wanting to go hiking & feeling so far away from anyone I had a connection with, who would go with me.  So I still go out & hike, but I feel the aloneness out here.  New things like figuring out school bus schedules, & getting the kids registered(which seems to be a pain here).  Also, I'm still seeing a few other moms across the street waiting at the bus stop for their kids to return, & me waiting by myself across the street.  Wanting to be a part, but not wanting to be.  It's not even that I'm shy, I could march over there with a smile, but I'm always torn with the people thing.

Anyway, I think it will take awhile for things to settle.  There are boxes around me as I type. There are paint cans, & tools...many projects on the books. I think I may ignore them this morning & go look for a running trail.  
Kids playing by our house

Putting my plants out made me happier
Thanks to Pinterest I learned how to white wash these bricks.
First hike: Rabbit Mountain Open Space
Persimmon enjoying the Colorado life(don't think she'll like the snow).

Monday, August 1, 2016

16 Days

A little over 2 weeks until(if all goes according to plan) we are in our van, packed to the gills with kids & pets, headed out to Colorado.

We've been slowly saying some goodbyes. It feels weird to me. It's sad & freeing at the same time. I can never quite pinpoint my emotions because my heart is such a mix of wanting people close, but also wanting to push them away & run.

 A lot of people I've known at church for years & years, been in meetings or groups with them, but not known terribly I know goodbye is really goodbye, because we are not close enough to really keep in touch.

The few close friends, the ones I love, I know I will see again. They will still be in my life.  But still it will change, just because we won't be in close proximity anymore.  I am notoriously bad at picking up the phone & calling people, & awkwardly uncomfortable on Face we'll see how this goes :)

Anyway, 16 days. I'm scared, I'm nervous.  That's what life all about, doing things that scare you a bit.  It will be awesome!

P.S. I've decided that Virginia Woolf & I share a bit of the same brain.  Love her!