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Sunday, November 27, 2016

I Guess I'm Thankful?

 Today has been non-eventful & lazy so far. It's the last day of Thanksgiving break before we go back to real life.  This week off we had a couple days early on in the week to visit with our California friends who we miss a lot.  I always think when I spend time with them, that I am lucky.  Lucky to have people I can be myself with, who can handle my weirdness...it's not everybody who can :)

So, Thanksgiving was different this year.  Our first in Colorado.  No driving to anyone's place, or cooking for anyone but us 5.  It was nice & low key, but next year we may need to invite some guests.

The day after Thanksgiving we hung out in Estes Park with Richard's friend's family who invited us to a Christmas Parade there. It's been fun going to new things & maybe starting a few traditions.  Although it was cold as heck waiting for the parade to start, & I was told this was a warm year, so we'll see if this becomes a "thing" for us.

Yesterday, Richard took me to this Indian tea place in Boulder, that I have wanted to go to for years.  It's beautiful inside.  I don't usually take pictures of food, but every now & then I have to.  Oh, & they have also combined two of the best things...herbal tea & alcohol.  When I saw "tea cocktails" on the menu, I knew I had found my place.

All in all, a good week & I even had time to do a little art.

Anyways, you know with Thanksgiving comes some reflection about life & the things we are blessed with.  I am thankful for the people who are in my tribe, that love me for me, & I love them them in all their weirdness too.  I'm grateful that here I am in another state, with my family & new things ahead of me.  Last November, at this time, we had no clue moving was actually in our future.  I guess I am also thankful for the hard junk that is changing me.  It's hard to say that because if I could go back & change a lot of my choices in life, (& other's choice too) I would totally want to.  But since I can't time travel & we don't get do overs, I am going to hope it's all for a reason & be thankful for it all.  That's what I'm telling myself today at least :)
















Saturday, November 12, 2016

Little Acorn



I haven't written much, or been making art recently because I got a pretty much full time job. Actually all I've managed lately is painting this little lonely acorn.  I am working all day at a school & helping some special needs kids.  So it's the kind of work I like to do.  By the time I walk in the door when I get home, I find myself back at my short order cook job, because my kids are hungry.  Then I usually fit in a half hour of jogging around like a mad women, inside my house(it's cold outside) for exercise.  That's my day.  Good, I have something to fill my hours & make me feel productive, but not much time to create.  I'll get back to it soon. 


On weekends we have been working on this outdoor pet enclosure.  I dream it, & Richard builds it.  I like the way that works :)  It's even going to have a place for my cat Chowder.



Cody at Boulder Reservoir last weekend, I was trying to get a profile of him but this kid is squirrely & I'm lucky I got this.  

The kids at a little park & neighborhood we found in Longmont.  I wish I took more pictures of the houses, it kind of looked like a movie set.


Tuesday, October 11, 2016

" So Take That", life.



Hello. 

We've been settling more into our new place. Exploring little towns nearby, & finding new hikes. Fall in Colorado is a sea of color.  Reds, oranges, & yellows everywhere I look.  Love it! With this new start here, the one I desired to have a clean slate in, there's been some pain. Some stuff has come up, a lot of stuff un-dealt with. Marriage is hard, life is hard, & sometimes I don't get it at all.  I guess starting somewhere new is never easy, & it doesn't always play out like in your head.  It can still be awesome, just a different awesome than I envisioned.

I don't always handle pain, or stress the right way.  My old go-to remedy is to be self-destructive.  Not good, I know.  So I had a brief relapse of some of my eating issues, but am not going to stay in it.  I don't want to spend my life with my head in a toilet bowl.  So I am fighting the crazy in my head.  The last couple days I've been winning.

Yesterday I was driving around listening to music & thinking.  I was thinking the last few years, I've been getting better at being a truth teller.  What I mean is that I've been speaking my truth about who I am, & my struggles, & my many mistakes.  Not pretending all areas of my life are together.  I think so many people hide.  They don't want to show who they really are, or be vulnerable to others.  It's hard.  I still struggle with the whole thing, but I don't want to pretend at all anymore.  If you don't put your self out there, you aren't real.  I want to be real.  If that means telling people I've struggled with depression a lot of my life, that I have fucked my life up more times than not, & am working through eating disorder issues then thats what it means & I will have handle whatever reaction I get.  Being able to be who I am, & not apologize for it, is more important to me now.  Even if it means risking rejection.