Great news for the queen of self-consciousness. I'm trying really hard not to be, working away at it. I'm already super sensitive about the dark bags under my eyes. If I could, I'd wear sunglasses at all times & in all pictures. So today I get to church & between the circles looking like I never sleep, the notch missing from my teeth, & feeling like a stuffed sausage in my jeans, I don't even want to walk through the crowd & come in contact with anyone.
But I do walk across the foyer, I do talk to people of course. I suck it up because it's none of my preoccupations are really important at all, thats what I tell myself to get through. When I make it through the land mines of people & come back to my class(before it's started) I let fly everything built up in my head about my bags, my teeth, & I throw in the wrinkles on my forehead I got a load of in the car window earlier. Guilty of being a volcano sometimes.... I let things build, & well, you know. So I'm telling all this to my husband, who I'm sure is so used to it, he goes into another zone when I start up & only hears music or something in his head as I go on. My daughter Sage is there though, soaking it in like a sponge, as I'm showering them with all the reasons I'm unhappy with myself today & I see her look of disappointment. Ugh... I always tell my kids that what's important is the kind of person you are, & people shouldn't be judged on their looks or weight or any of that. Unfortunately, since I struggle with liking the outwardness of who I am, they sometimes get a mixed message.
Hmmm....hoping for better Mom moments the rest of the day!
|Out on the trail with the girlies the other night. Hoping for a short run this evening.|
|Out with the boy :)|