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Sunday, April 12, 2015


In the car, on the way to teach at church this morning, I ran my tongue along the bottom of my teeth & noticed a jagged little piece.  "Nice" I was thinking, & picturing me smiling with a big hunk out.  I hadn't even hit my mouth, or knocked my teeth on anything, although I do grind the heck out of them when I sleep. Sure enough, looking in the mirror, a little piece is gone on the bottom of my front tooth.

Great news for the queen of self-consciousness.  I'm trying really hard not to be, working away at it. I'm already super sensitive about the dark bags under my eyes.  If I could, I'd wear sunglasses at all times & in all pictures. So today I get to church & between the circles looking like I never sleep, the notch missing from my teeth, & feeling like a stuffed sausage in my jeans, I don't even want to walk through the crowd & come in contact with anyone.

But I do walk across the foyer, I do talk to people of course.  I suck it up because it's none of my preoccupations are really important at all, thats what I tell myself to get through. When I make it through the land mines of people & come back to my class(before it's started) I let fly everything built up in my head about my bags, my teeth, & I throw in the wrinkles on my forehead I got a load of in the car window earlier. Guilty of being a volcano sometimes.... I let things build, & well, you know.  So I'm telling all this to my husband, who I'm sure is so used to it, he goes into another zone when I start up & only hears music or something in his head as I go on.  My daughter Sage is there though, soaking it in like a sponge, as I'm showering them with all the reasons I'm unhappy with myself today &  I see her look of disappointment.  Ugh... I always tell my kids that what's important is the kind of person you are, & people shouldn't be judged on their looks or weight or any of that.  Unfortunately, since I struggle with liking the outwardness of who I am, they sometimes get a mixed message.

Hmmm....hoping for better Mom moments the rest of the day!

Out on the trail with the girlies the other night.  Hoping for a short run this evening.
Out with the boy :)

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