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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Head Trips

I took these last week.  I was running in the hills near my place & there was absolutely no one around.  The aloneness was awesome.  It always stirs up a twinge of fear in me though, about being a mountain lion snack. Anyway, despite that,  I think I'm making it my new clearing of my head place. I had the thought, as I was taking a break on those green hills, sunshiny & all, with little birds flitting by me....this is my kind of church, this is where God meets me.  Well, He's everywhere, but you get what I mean :)

I've been feeling like I need to run away. Big time.

I don't know if it's because I don't feel like I'm where I want to be in life,  or should be for my age.  Don't know if it's because I crave excitement & adventure, & all the dailies of life, just aren't that.  I've been in the process of working on some things inside me, ironing out the kinks, & I think that is dredging stuff up too.  Probably all of those things rolled into one has made me long for a change of scenery.  I wonder if I just want to run from it all, or if I would actually find some peace in the process?

I tell these thoughts about wanting to get away, to take off & go on a long backpacking trip, or an extended adventure somewhere to my husband-guy, & he chuckles & says what I need is a time machine. One that transports me back in time, to my early twenties.  Back before kids, before too many responsibilities. Hmmm.

Having said all that, I feel I need to put it out there, that of course I do love my family(kids, husband, pets & all).  They have my heart.

I am just seeking freedom, and I think that deep down I know that no amount of taking off here or there for awhile, will free me from my own restless thoughts.  That's clearly going to take awhile.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Painting & Clay

hi there.  These are a few things I have finished lately.  Some acrylic/watercolor painting, & a little clay favorite mediums.  I'm planning on giving the whole Paper Clay thing a try soon. I really want to see how that differs from the clay I use now, which I bake in the oven, then paint.  I believe Paper Clay can air dry.  Also, wanting to get familiar with oil paints.  Just need a few more hours in the day.

My love for Coraline continues :)

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The "New Year" High That Didn't Last

Happy 2015!

6 days in, & I've realized my house is still strewn with toys, & clothes, & crumbs, & stacks of papers here & there.  I see it, get overwhelmed & then have to put my blinders on, cause apparently my new year excitement hasn't rubbed off on my desire to clean my husband's bathroom & my son's room yet!  My on fire sense of excitement over creating new things has waned a little bit too, & given way to the old narrative that plays in my head about needing to find a purpose, & wondering if I'm wasting my life.

Maybe someone should've bought herself some happy pills this year, thats what I'm thinking :)

I expect this year ahead will have it's ups & downs like any other.  I was kind of joking before, but there is a little part of me that was hoping my personality would miraculously change, & I would love cleaning my house.  Also, that suddenly I'd get my shit together, so to speak, & head on a clear path towards whatever it is that will fulfill me.  That would be too easy, right?

So here's to all of us on the journey, navigating through life, winging it a lot of times & figuring it out as we go. May this year be filled with many adventures.... hope you have an awesome year ahead of you!

New Years's Eve with friends
Pretty New Year's Day Hike
Yay, 2015!
Little seashell