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Monday, September 22, 2014

Full Of Shoulds

So I've been working on something lately, that's been brought to my mind. Letting go of all these crazy little inner voices that tell me I should do this & that, even when in my heart I really don't want to. I've realized my head is full of shoulds. I'm trying to let go of the guilt I feel if I didn't do something the way I thought was right, because pretty much I feel guilty no matter what choice I make, being so hard on yourself is no way to live. Slowly but surely trying to let go of these perfectionistic expectations I picked up somewhere along the way that have sucked me in, & made me their bitch. Ha ha. There is this inner dialogue in my brain (picture Dana Carvey as the Church Lady) that tells me I should stick it out in relationships that suck the life out of me, sign up for commitments that cut into my sanity, because as a "good Christian" I should take one for the team, I should  put other's happiness above my own. 

Which by the way, I'm not a good Christian, never have been, if you are going by rule following. I've failed miserably at most of the 10 Commandments at times in my life. Ahhh, that actually feels good to say. 

A lot of the time I am not this great example of wisdom, or of having it all together. But I am real, & that's what I want my kid's to see, that's what I want friends to feel. I am real, I am honest about myself & my misadventures(sometimes too much so), & am trying to figure this whole crazy-awesome life thing out, with as much grace as I can muster :)

Here are some of the things we've been up to in life lately...

I was laughing when I took this. My husband's over exaggerated pre-run stretches.

Been hitting a lot of trails...lucky to have so many cool ones nearby.
Bird Boy
Sunday morning laps.  Avoiding jumping in for just a minute more.
Richard & I

Here is some recent artwork...

Always love making these clay girls that hold air plants.
Another photo of her outside.
Painting/Collage on a wooden plaque

It has this great Sylvia Plath quote on it
Because I love Blythe dolls, made a little clay doll with a Blythe face.
Put her in a little box.
Phaedra. Mixed Media Painting
Little Frida Kahlo with angel wings in wooden box.

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