Monday, November 17, 2014
There is this large open space as you drive up to our house, when it's Spring it's usually filled with wild Mustard, right now it is a mass of puffballs. Pretty in their own way, don't you think? I love the days like this, where we find ourselves pulling over for an impromptu romp through a field, exploring, & time gets away from us for awhile.
I don't ever want to be too scheduled in life that I can't stop on a whim every once in awhile & get off the beaten path. There is probably not any danger of me not being able to get time outdoors though, on a trail or a mountain somewhere. I think I need it to be me.
So here's my analogy, you know how tumbleweeds blow all over the place when a strong enough wind hits them? I feel like that in so many ways. Which I don't like cause I feel I am a strong person, not wishy-washy, or easily swayed, but I think my mind can easily go from feeling hopeful about life, to despair when just a few things rock my boat. I need deeper roots.
Also, I've been trying to stave off this creeping sense of discouragement I feel about my art, & making a career in it. It's not about the money, I know. I need to do what I love, & that is creating things. But it would be nice to feel like I am contributing to my family, without doing something like a desk job, which a person like me would find mind numbingly dull. So the old brain goes back & forth on all these ideas, of paths to take....opening a shop to sell my art(how?), writing a book(kids book, fiction, a memoir?), suck it up & work retail, or maybe go back to school. I feel the clock ticking. Maybe this is the mid life crisis people speak of? I'm 40, & spent a lot of my life falling into things, without too much direction or forethought. There is this need for me I think, to feel I've made something out of my life, aside from being a mother & a wife. Ha! All that from some tumbleweeds.
This is a painting I finished the other day. I like the colors. Named her Marmalade. Grateful to have had some time that was quiet & I could work uninterrupted, because the husband-man & kids were watching a flick at the theatre.