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Monday, December 1, 2014

Thoughts On Being Thankful & Stupid Scales

Well, Thanksgiving has come & gone already! We had fun outdoors most  of our days kids could shoot their little bow & arrows forever & be happy. This year, we were lucky to do the cooking, & stay put in our own place, instead of braving the crowded freeways. The weekend was officially capped off by the picking of just the right 29 dollar Christmas tree(that's what my husband steers us towards:) 

I've been sick these past few days. Fighting it since Thanksgiving night, but didn't want it to take me out because I had too much to do. My race(swim, bike, run) is next weekend. So I lie down for awhile & then go out & run. Been running through the achy feeling, & with lungs that seem to be gurgling, wishing for an inhaler. Ugh. So I may come into the finish line at a slow crawl, but I know I can do it.

Here's a little discouragement mixed with thankfulness(how I roll usually) I've been running, doing exercise videos at home, going to the gym, swimming, blah, blah, blah & NOTHING! My weight stays the same, & for the life of me I can't get it down to where it used to be. Then Thanksgiving came, mind you I did an hour & 20 minute exercise bootcamp that day, stepped on the old scale at the end of the day & it was up. I don't even eat half the stuff other people do, what the hell?  Stinkin' 5ft2 frame.

So I try not to obsess on things, like a number flashing at me in bright red on the scale. I am more than that. At least that's what I tell myself, & I think I'm starting to believe it.  But the old thoughts are always in the back of my mind, of unworthiness, & thinking if only I weighed this magic number, I'd feel better. Somedays it's a lot not to give into them. But I so don't want my girls to pick up the message that their value is in what they look like, so I am fighting it.

But I am thankful for this body of mine, that has gotten me through so many races, that is strong & doesn't quit. In a weird way I'm also thankful that I can be this self-conscious, neurotic person because I am realizing through working on those things, that you know what, I am fine. For so long I didn't know that. I am exactly who I'm supposed to be.  

Ok, enough with the self discovery :) Here are some pictures...

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